...

2010-08-07T10:17:00.000-07:00

"There are so many blacks inside this car!"
-Superman on the phone with his friend explaining what we have in our car (black car seats, black seats, black floors.... "black" children)

If everyday were as good as this one

2010-07-31T18:45:00.000-07:00

I would die a happy woman

God always comes through

2010-07-27T20:46:00.000-07:00

So here is a cheesed out post...

But I have to say that sometimes things just fall into place and there is no other explanation. We're really struggling to get our lawyers retainer fee together. We're just starting out in life and really have very little savings... Add to that our wedding in just 6 short weeks and we are completely drained. Well when we got our tax returns back a couple months ago something was weird with them. So I sent the paper back asking them to contact me, and tonight they did. We are getting back 3,000 more. Perfect timing. Thank you to that greater power who I know will always be watching over my family, no matter which way this case ends up.

Liquidating our assets

2010-07-26T19:24:00.000-07:00

We've begun liquidating our assets.

The first stop was the mall. Yes thats where I began. I stood in line at The Children's Place with bag of clothes and 60 day old receipt in hand. 20 minutes later I emerged with +$40 for the lawyer fund.

Next stop Charles Schwab. (Where I should make out a tad bit better)

Wednesdays are so not my day

2010-07-21T19:28:00.000-07:00

Let me recount the following 3 Wednesdays for you

1) Biomom calls me and tells me shes moving the next day
2) We find the Bean's Biodad
3) We locate a good lawyer (and the quake felt round the world is me hitting the floor when I find out the initial retainer fee)

So now for week number 4. Bean's dad plans on getting custody. The adoption worker called to inform me of this today. However conveniently he has been arrested (she was visiting him in jail). He is awaiting something (sentencing? trial? who knows). Of course I went into sleuth mode and tried to find out what he was in for, the jail would only tell me his bail was 40,000... which makes me think its not anything major.

He will find out how long hes in the pokey sometime in August. Should he get a longer sentence he'll probably be out of the running for getting custody of Bean. However knowing my luck he will only get probation and this news will be delivered on a Wednesday.

Of course if he doesnt get custody he wants his mother to get custody, and if she cant get custody he will surrender to Aunt T. No of course he will not surrender to us. Because this case isnt complicated enough yet.

Met an awesome lawyer!

2010-07-14T19:16:00.000-07:00

And we're really excited about this one! She was really experienced and we're looking forward to working with her...

The major shocker is of course the retainer fee...

Part of me just wants to straight out write the amount down...

But the other part knows its tacky to discuss your financial situation with others.

I will say this:

It is more than the kids yearly stipend.

It is less than our apartments yearly rent.

It is more than our wedding.

It is less than our yearly college loan payment.

It is more than our car is worth

But most importantly, it is less than they are worth... because of course they are priceless. And I would give every penny I have and every penny I will ever earn in my life to increase our chances of making them ours forever.

Don't let him see you cry

2010-07-08T21:57:00.000-07:00

Superman drew this for me tonight. He said "Mommy I have a good idea! If Aunt T tries to steal me you can follow the van to her house and steal me back!" I think he thought the van thing because the DYFS workers usually drive minivans when they transport the kids to visits. He said "You have to follow the van so you can steal me back". The people outside of the car are from left to right aunt T, Bean, BioMom, Superman. He said that Aunt T and BioMom would be so happy, but that he would be so sad which is why the drawings of him and Bean are crying. He also drew the sun crying and said "Even the sun would be sad if they took me away" When I asked him why he drew himself bigger he said "I wish I was bigger so I could fight back"

After he went to bed I was taking this picture of the drawing and Superman came out of his bedroom to use the bathroom. When he saw me looking at the picture he said "Im so happy your studying so you can find me"

And In a maury like voice...

2010-07-07T19:05:00.000-07:00

Looks like someone has a biodad after all. Somehow I just knew this was going to happen. Adoption worker called me today....
"We have the results of Bean's paternity test...."

long pause.

I could feel it coming.

I laid down on Superman's bed.

"What are the results?"

Pause

Pause

"He is the father"

I shouldnt have been stunned. But I was. Somehow shes like a different child to me now. Another someone somewhere out there now has the ability to take our little girl away from us... and away from her brother... and away from the only life she knows.

Goodbye

2010-06-30T19:39:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I offered to let biomom have a visit today since I had to cancel her visit last week. We planned for 3 at the playground. She called me today and said "Can we push the visit back to 4, Im still packing." so I said "sure, what are you packing for?" and she goes "Im moving tomorrow"

Yes my jaw literally hit the floor.

So we met a McDonald's near her house for 45 minutes or so until she pretty much rushed out to get home and finish packing. And it was all pretty surreal. The whole time I felt this sadness. She has really truly given up. She will never get to be there mommy again. And my heart breaks for her because she knows that.

A ring bear

2010-06-15T22:54:00.000-07:00

Superman asked if he will have to wear a bear costume to be the ring bearer at our wedding.

The past few weeks

2009-04-03T12:25:00.000-07:00

Gosh I suck at updating this... and I always look back and regret these long absences... I say to myself "What could I possibly have been doing during that time that was more important than updating my blog?" Clearly nothing.

I'll try and go back through and paste in a few old posts from emails etc. Yikes. I swear Im going to be more diligent.

Fun in Connecticut

2009-02-09T11:40:00.001-08:00

This past weekend we went on a trip to Connecticut and it was great! We finally got everything worked out with the car (its registered, we have New Jersey plates, we've got our parking pass, the kids have carseats that fit) We figured the best way to celebrate was going on a road trip! It was amazing how well the kids did. Even Charlie was excellent. Superman officially watched his second movie the ENTIRE way through. Up until Saturday the only movie he would sit through was Lilo and Stitch... and by sit through I mean ask to watch over and over and over. But we can now officially add The Land Before Time to his list of watchable movies. He also had a great time with Rob's nephew Trevor. The two of them played in the snow, played with cars, and enjoyed brushing their teeth together (because apparently nothing says fun like sponge bob toothpaste).

I seriously need to get a camera

Update on the new years resolutions...

2009-02-05T13:53:00.000-08:00

Well I was thinking about resolutions today. And clearly I havent stuck to any of them....

1) Keeping in touch with friends... Obviously since the kids came I can't really be hanging out with friends more often... although maybe I should make some friends with kids. That would probably be a wiser change to the new years resolution.
2) Grocery shopping more often.... eh kind of... but it hasnt helped my eating healthy status. Its hard to eat healthy when you have 30 seconds to shovel food down your throat before a baby starts crying for you to feed her (even though shes fully able to feed herself), or a little boy starts demanding a refill or a clean fork or a napkin
3) Save more.... yeah no. Hasn't happened.
4) Raise or new job.... Well I asked for a raise. Which I was proud of myself for... to which I got a "We'll talk next week" and did we talk? No. But at least I asked.
5) Keeping up with the blog.... I seriously haven't kept up with this stinking thing... but maybe I'll go through and post some emails about whats been going on and back date them...

Bean's new hairstyle

2009-01-29T12:48:00.000-08:00

The kids had a visit with BioMom on Wednesday and their caseworker braided Bean's hair. I think she looks so stinkin' cute.

Congrats to Mr Obama

2009-01-20T10:55:00.000-08:00

So today was inauguration day. And it really struck me how amazing it is to finally have a black president. We watched the event from work, but I was wishing the whole time I was at home watching it with the kiddos. Even though they are too little to understand it, I just wish it could have been on with them in the room. So that maybe a little tiny bit of it would seep into their memory (Well mainly just Supermans's memory, Bean is way too little). I know they'll talk about the event down the road in history class at school. They probably won't ever understand what a big deal this is, because hopefully they'll grow up in a world where its normal. Because of this day they'll grow up never thinking whether they can or can't do something because of the color of their skin. They'll never second guess it the way I did when Obama won the primaries and I said, "He'll never win, the country is still too racist." Its amazing. I wish I could have been with them for it.

Happy Birthday Superman!

2009-01-14T21:50:00.000-08:00

Superman turned 4 today! Him and I made cupcakes for his class last night, then today Rob and I brought them to him. Poor guy didn't even know it was his birthday. Heck we didn't even know it was his birthday until we were looking through his paperwork the other night. We've been working on teaching him that he's 4, but I don't think he gets the "how old are you" concept yet. He doesn't know he was 3. He doesn't know what a birthday is. This stuff makes me sad.

So we finally accepted a placement

2009-01-09T14:10:00.001-08:00

A 3 year old boy and 12 month old girl. Sweet kids. I'll post more later!

We got a call for a baby

2009-01-03T22:09:00.001-08:00

Rob and I got a call for a brand new baby a few days ago. We were literally asked when the baby was just hours old. Unfortunately we had to say no (not many daycares will take them that young, plus I would feel terrible leaving a baby that little in daycare). But still I just feel a little bad. My over active imagination imagines the baby nice and warm and cozy in its moms tummy one second, and the next just waiting all alone at the hospital with no one to take it home.

Hopefully we'll get a call soon that we can take. And hopefully they found a nice safe place for that little one.

News Years resolutions

2009-01-01T15:11:00.000-08:00

So I've been trying to come up with a few new years resolutions. Its actually harder than you would think. A co-worker and I were talking about this yesterday, and his number 1 resolution for 2009 was to start flossing his teeth. Which I think is a great resolution, but unfortunately I already floss my teeth. So I need to think of my own. I could use the old "Im going to get into shape" resolution, but its cold out and I honestly have no plans of even attempting to work out until its a little warmer. These are what I've come up with

1) Im going to try to keep in touch with friends more, call them back and attempt to get together... this will probably be my hardest resolution since I am the laziest person alive on cold saturday nights.
2) Im going to go grocery shopping more often and buy healthier food... I've always liked healthy food. I just don't like walking a mile to the grocery store and carting back a lot of heavy grocery bags. But we have a car now... And we have a BJ's club card... so I can easily drive a big truck full of healthy veggies home, whereas before it was easier to just order Chinese take out.
3) I am going to save more, invest more, and put more in my IRA every month. Now when a person is only making an extra 75 dollars a month, one has to ask "how in the world are you going to save more every month?" which brings us to number 4
4) Something has to be done about the job situation. I either need a raise or a new job. I don't know which I would prefer, because both have their perks.... but this year (and by this year I mean in next few weeks) something must be done about this job situation... because I can't handle anymore of it.
5) and last but not least... I swear Im going to keep up with this blog.

We're licensed

2008-12-19T14:59:00.000-08:00

I know I've posted a bit about this before, but Rob and I have been getting certified to become foster parents for the last few months. Well we are finally licensed. I've been meaning to post this for a little while now, but haven't been keeping up with the blog as much as I should. Our home can take up to 3 little ones (2 children and 1 baby). We don't actually plan on taking that many, but just wanted to get certified for the most possible just in case.

Its been a long time coming. But now that we're licensed Im a little nervous!

Im flying tomorrow!

2008-11-12T17:42:00.000-08:00

And Im terrified. Ive basically been frightened of planes my entire life, ever since I was a kid and my mom told me about a plane taking off from National and crashing into the bridge not too far from us (it was icy and the plane was too heavy to get up fast enough) With each year my fear has increased. To the point that in the past 10 years Ive only been on about 3 flights. I HAVE to get over this fear.

anyways long story short... Tomorrow night Im flying to Florida for a shoot. The first flight I actually remember being REALLY scared of was to Florida when I was little. I'll be going with my boss, and somehow I feel a TINY bit more comfy flying with him (not much though!) I KNOW statistically flying is super safe and all that jazz, and im more likely to die from being struck by a stray bullet while sitting here... but Im still terrified. It just seems like such an awful way to die, KNOWING your about to die but not having time to come to terms with it. Im not scared of terrorists, Im scared of mechanical disasters.

Hello Mr. President

2008-11-05T10:18:00.000-08:00

Well its official. After 8 long years we are finally welcoming a democrat into office! Hallelujah! And another piece of fun info: Virginia finally went blue for the first time since Lyndon B. Johnson!

I spent the day filming voters and polling centers for a documentary we're doing at work. After that I met up with my old pal Emily and we grabbed dinner at Big Daddy's (I sure hope the economy gets better soon, because with what I make 15 bucks for a burger and fries is a little steep!) We talked about what was going on in our lives and watched the number of electoral votes go up for each candidate. After dinner we both headed home, but of course not without a quick stop in Union Square to celebrate in the merrymaking. It was pretty amazing. Every time Obama got another state you could literally hear the whole city cheer. I knew he was going to win and wanted to make it home in time for his speech. Which I did, and it was amazing.

Hopefully he'll be able to make the change we all want in office. And if not, at least his girls are getting a puppy out of the deal.

Halloween!!

2008-11-01T10:12:00.000-07:00

Halloween was great!! We must have gotten at least 100 trick or treaters, which was a new experience for me since in the city children trick or treat along the main streets at stores instead of trick or treating to people's homes. We went through 8 bags of candy (although I've been saying 7 since technically Rob, Nate, Taylor, and I consumed at least 1 bag on our own). My favorite costume of the night had to be the little boy dressed as a block of stinky cheese.

Charlie reprised his annual role as bee dog

A fun little homesless suprise

2008-10-15T13:28:00.000-07:00

I'm at work and I just went down the hall to use the bathroom... as I got closer I started hearing an odd mumbilish sort of singing coming from the boys bathroom. "88 bottles of brewsky on the wall! 88 bottles of brew! take one down, pass it to me... 87 bottles of brewsky on the wall!" I decided to peak into the boys bathroom (the door is kept wide open on it). I was instantly greeted by a buck naked homeless man attempting to shower in the bathroom sink. He greeted me with a big friendly grin "Well Hi there!" as if it were completely normal to be naked and washing ones feet in a bathroom sink. I was just like "Oh hi" and turned into the girls bathroom. When I came out I could hear someone talking to him, apparently telling him he had to leave since its a private building, not the public bath house.

Poor guy just wanted a shower!

Cathy is house hunting!

2008-10-14T05:55:00.001-07:00

My sister is such a goof-ball. Need further explanation? Check out this commercial: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D6xU9l8Vw9o I believe it is based on her life. Anyways, so as I may or may not have mentioned before my sister and I both desperately want houses. We figure we'll buy them in "bad" parts of the city and wait around 30 years for another alphabet city type of deal. Obviously on my 2,000 a month I'm not getting very close to that dream right now, but she is. And needless to say she is set on her house being red. She won't even look at houses that aren't. Of course she knows we can paint. She's just a very visual person and can't imagine the house red, therefore she doesn't like it. Come on Cathy, I'll photoshop the darn things red! Just pick a house! I want to live vicariously through you!

Things I miss...

2008-09-23T17:50:00.000-07:00

These are the things I miss about Manhattan

-The dog parks (poor Char, we only run into friendly dogs like once a week!)

-Being within quick walking distance of a grocery store (closest one is almost a mile)

-Feeling like a cool city person (people just aren't as interested when you say you live in Jersey)

-Having 1 million restaurants nearby with every type of food imaginable, and all of them having delivery services too!

-How often the subway comes (late at night the path only comes every 20-30 minutes!)

This past weekend...

2008-09-21T16:43:00.000-07:00

I went to CB's 6th birthday party at their new house in Mamaroneck. Its beautiful! G and M's parents had family in town so I brought them to the birthday party too. It was a little strange in a way... Being there with all the kids I used to babysit in one room. And they're so old now! I miss them all (both families). I doubt they will be calling me much now that they are in Westchester, which is kind of a bummer because honestly they are the sweetest most well behaved children.

Another note on feeling old (I've been talking about this way too much lately, I know) but honestly I feel very strange at the position I'm in right now. I feel like my life hasn't yet started, but I'm not a child either. Some days I wish I was older and had the things that went along with that (good job, house in the suburbs, family) and other days I wish I was younger (miss my childhood friends especially middle school age, miss living with my family) very rarely am I actually happy with where I am. I just get this lump in my throat whenever I think about it.

Where do babies come from?

2008-09-04T22:02:00.000-07:00

Tonight I was asked the single most awkward question of all time. I was babysitting C and J...

Erin: so when do you guys move back to Virginia?

C: After I turn 6

Erin: oh so not for a long time (C just turned 5)

C: We have to keep my crib in case mommy wants another baby when we live in Virginia

Erin: ohhh I see

C: Do you have any babies?

E: no not yet.

C: I think you will soon

E: I dont think so

C: Well why not?!

E: Well you have to be married to have a baby

C: Well uncle Justin isnt married, how come he could have a baby?

E: um.... well sometimes you dont have to be married, but usually you do.

C: Oh. Where do babies come from?

E: oh um... babies? What does your mom say about that?

C: She didnt tell me.

E: oh... uh....

C: How do they get inside the mommy's tummy?

E: ummmm want some more pizza?

Seeing Rent

2008-09-01T16:58:00.000-07:00

Its been a great weekend.

First off my very favorite boys I babysit are back! (well just about all the kids I babysit are my favorites haha). But C and P left two years ago, and just moved back a week ago. They have a 1 year old brother, R, now. Hes very adorable also. These are honestly some of the sweetest boys Ive ever met. They never cease to make me laugh... the big laugh Friday: C convinced me his parents let him sleep naked. Apparently its a lie. His mom and dad come home and he's laying sprawled out, naked as a jay bird. Yeah I bet I looked like a top notch babysitter at that moment.

My mom and sister Cathy were in town this past weekend too (Labor day weekend). We had lots of fun! Saturday we went on a driving adventure all over Bergen County and Westchester while I fantasized about being able to buy a house.

Sunday we scratched an item off of Cathy's bucket list (or as we like to refer to it less morbidly as her "arthritis list")... I took them to see Rent on Broadway. It was awesome! And really nice to be able to see it before it closes.

Today Rob and I went on a little bike trip around Jersey City. We rode down along the water across from Liberty Island... beautiful.

Apparently Im old

2008-08-28T23:11:00.000-07:00

I was babysitting C and J tonight. C is going to be starting kindergarten next week. This is the conversation we had.

C: Im going back to school next week! Are you?

E: No actually, this is the very first year Im not going back to school.

C: Why?

E: Well Im finished, Im all done. I have a job now.

C: WOW

E: (laughing) yes wow

C: Wow your really old like mom now

Visit from the Frei!

2008-08-04T15:08:00.000-07:00

I got a visit from my dear friend Alyson this past weekend. It really was lovely. She had never been to the city before so we had a really good time.

Friday we met up with our old friend Carly from elementary school, had dinner at a restaurant called The Park and then walked over to Magnolia's for cupcakes (there's nothing I love more than an excuse to go to Magnolia's)

Saturday we grabbed lunch at a little Greek diner in the village, then headed up to Time Square to check out that scene. After hitting up Sephora and M&M World (and stealing countless M&M's) we walked through the street fair (ate a chocolate covered banana) and headed to Central Park. After a stroll through the park (a delicious popsicle), and a very humiliating ride on a pedicab (other pedicabs with 3-4 people were passing us by as our new friend Joseph huffed, puffed, and sweated to pull us up hill) we headed down to East to meet with Rob (Frei has only recently discovered her love for Sushi). We decided to end our evening with home baked chocolate chip cookies.

Sunday we just relaxed, grabbed a quick lunch on 34th street, and then unfortunately said goodbye.

If I had to name the one thing I miss about Frei (aside from the obvious), its the amount of food I always consumed in her company. I sure hope she comes again soon!

New apartment!

2008-07-15T14:54:00.000-07:00

Excuse the mess (especially the dirty dishes!!) Were not completely arranged yet.

Well here it is. My new apartment! 40 Henry Street. Its really a sweet place. Literally twice as big as my apartment in the city (I really couldn't handle the 8x10 bedroom anymore!) AND for less than half as much a month we have two bedrooms, a living room, an eat in kitchen, and a tiny yard. Plus its on the first floor! Definitely makes walking Char an easier experience.

One step closer to being OUT of the city. I swear the next place I live better be a house in the suburbs!

(BTW: the third picture is the view out our front window of the house across the street, not our actual apartment)

My final grades

2008-05-10T19:07:00.000-07:00

3 A's, 1 B, and 1 B-. I just checked my transcript for all of college and my lowest grade ever was a C given to me by Bill Beckley so I won't count it.

Im really happy

I just cant believe college is over. Its so insane... I most likely will never go to school again. I started work last week at Impulse (the small production company I interned at)... I have a "real job". I cant even fathom it yet.

Pet-sitting the Libster

2008-05-09T19:17:00.000-07:00

Oh my gosh she is so sweet. She's G and M's dog (kids I used to babysit that moved to Larchmont) Shes this little gold mix of something. Her and Charlie kind of cuddle together which is super cute! Like he'll be laying in his crate on the dog bed and she goes in and lays right next to his head.

Only problem: Her owners leave her food out for her all day. Whereas we have Charlie on a feeding schedule.... and now when we arent looking he tries to nibble her food! That naughty little boy.

Chocolate cookies

2008-05-03T16:15:00.000-07:00

I love when I bake 24 cookies and I go out 10 minutes later and there are two left!

I dont mind actually. I was just having a chocolate craving, so the 2 last cookies are more than enough to suffice. Im more just shocked how quickly boys can gobble them up. Well lets be honest here, I can gobble them up just as quickly. It makes me realize how much I'm going to miss living with Will and Tim! And miss getting to see all the old boys that come along with that, like Zach and Beom.